A Light Touch

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It doesn’t have to be profound. Only honest and good enough. Showing up lovingly and being the best mother, wife, teacher, and friend I can be on any given day, in any given moment, amidst the challenge of constantly changing conditions and circumstances is what is required. This is what has been at the forefront of practice for me of late: softness and fluidity.


I have a strong tendency towards striving for perfection, and then it’s inevitable counterpart – anxiety. Not to mention good ol’ self-doubt. But there is no place in my life that this tendency becomes more amplified than as a mother. As Abbey is diving into toddlerhood the more complex aspects of parenthood are popping up; and with the noble desire of wanting to “get it right”, anxiety and doubt are also becoming more apparent.


And it’s certainly not only in the realm of parenthood that this patterns can be seen: collectively, we do this with the foods we eat, in our relationships, careers, and even in our practice lives: we want to get it right but this causes us to be rigid. The opposite energy of love.


Arriving just at the right time, a friend of mine sent me the following link: 36 Ways You’re Messing Up Your Child


I thoroughly enjoyed the quick read, and chuckled at many of the tongue-and-cheek sentiments…particularly # 7 and #26…parent or not, I think you’ll enjoy the underlying message that in striving for perfection within the conflicting messages we receive, we loose site of what’s most important.


It was a good reminder (and practice life really can be summed up as “remembering”) to hold it all more lightly, and soften, mirroring the fluidity of life itself. How much we learn to let go is a marker of how well we lived. Within my power is how lovingly I show up, how honest I am, and good enough – not perfect.


May you soften and flow wherever it’s needed.







  1. Katia  March 5, 2015

    Elissa, your post is very serendipitous for me at this time. I have been contemplating the standards of perfection that we set for ourselves. It’s often easy to blame it on external factors that surround us every day. However, much of the rigidity with which we respond to the situations that we face is a choice. I have been learning to soften, to let go, to lead with my heart instead of my head. As a mother, I have been placing too much focus on avoiding making the mistakes that I have seen my parents make. Interestingly, approaching life from this hard place, focusing on avoidance, instead of love, has the opposite effect from the one we desire to achieve. So, I’m right back to where I always start, yet I recognize that life continues to change and I’m given a new chance every day. Am I going to strive to be better? Yes, but that doesn’t mean I’ll be perfect. And that’s okay.

    • Elissa  March 25, 2015

      Oh Katia, I always so enjoy reading your thoughtful insights. Thank you so much for sharing. I especially appreciated the reminder that we are gifted a new chance each day to be more loving and present; an opportunity to practice both loving kindness towards ourselves and a letting go. I will practice with this xx

  2. Katie  March 7, 2015

    Hello Beautiful! (And Katia, too!)

    Thank you for your honesty, humility, and wisdom. These words came at a perfect time for me. Returning to work after maternity leave has brought many of these issues with “perfection” and control to the forefront.

    As you so aptly put it, we need to strive to soften and let things go. And in many cases, embrace the chaotic, beautiful mess that is mommyhood.

    Lots of love to you xo

    PS. Big Livy hugs to Abby

    • Elissa  March 25, 2015

      Hello beautiful to you, too! I have been thinking of you lots with your recent, and no doubt very demanding, transition back to work. “The beautiful mess that is mommyhoood”…YES. It is so messy! Lol. Swaha, onwards we go in the effort of being good enough. Love to you ALL xxx


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